So it first started when I was seven. I had busy parents who couldn’t pick me up from school so they had a neighbor’s nephew pick me up. In the car on our way home, he’d put me on his laps and slip his fingers in my underwear (note this was someone I trusted as a child and I played with all the time. My only brother then was three and wasn’t allowed to go out of the house.) He asked me to keep quiet so I did quite frankly I don’t know why I never told my parents but I remember as a child I was so afraid of my mom. Whenever I was alone with him he did that till he left the house. Then one day there was this boy who used to come to our house, he tried foundling me. I was fighting him off, the housemaid saw it and walked away and told the other house helps. While they were making fun of me, my mom overheard it. She never asked me my side of the story, she beat me and put ginger in my private part.
My luck didn’t get any better though. One evening I was bathing and one of the houses boys walked into the bathroom and tried to force himself on me I kept asking him what he wanted I remember when he pinned me to the wall the same maid opened the door saw what was going on and just walked away that was when I really got scared but he did nothing. Some days after I was home alone with them and he forced himself on me. After that, he told me that if I ever told anyone I’ll die and my mom will beat me up before I die. I believed him and kept quiet and it happened so many times I stopped feeling bad and got used to it. Before I lived with my parents I was living in a church complex so obviously I had no knowledge of sex I didn’t even know that word . I wasn’t allowed to watch TV even at home, I had no information that I was being abused. Imagine sitting in class when the teacher is talking about reproductive health then it drops on you that you were being raped all this while. I hated myself, I hated everyone instantly. I became an angry child and I fought with the boys in my class all the time.
Fast forwarding, I was almost raped as a teenager again by someone close to the family only this time I ran out of the house then I built a wall so much so I got a nickname in senior high school. Men disgusted me and if by any chance I saw or felt a man’s penis instantly, I get disgusted and would never be able to go close to him. I felt as if that was all I was good for to them.